Addicts Stories Show Family Forgiveness is Possible
by Cecilia Johnson
People who are addicted to drugs and alcohol hurt their families. They may not mean to, but the actions they take while under the influence do damage to the people they love. One of the hardest — if not THE hardest — things a recovering addict must face is trying to mend relationships with loved ones.
It may seem like the biggest uphill battle you’ve ever faced, but forgiveness is possible. Every person is different, as is every relationship. Some people will find this comes easier than others, but just know that many other people who have been where you are have gotten back in the good graces of the people they care about.
Jeff, a graduate from the Treehouse, an Addiction Campuses facility in Texas, told me about his decision to go to rehab, “It took some time. I knew I would have to tell everyone that was close to me what was going on. At that point, none of my family knew. It took me two months to finally muster up the courage to say, ‘Alright, let’s do it.’
“I didn’t tell my parents until the day before I left [rehab]. I was so full of shame and guilt. I thought they would hate me and disown me, that I was going to let everyone down. I started by telling my sister because we’re very close. She said, ‘I’m here for you and I want to see you get better.’ Then I went to my brother, who is 13 years older than I am. The way I looked at it, he was perfection. I looked up to him then, and I look up to him now. I called him and told him, and his response still chokes me up. He said, ‘I care about you and I want you to get better. If you need anything, I’m here for you. I will always be here for you.’
“My mom kind of knew what was going on. My dad was the hard one. He’s a hardass, and we never really saw eye to eye. But the amount of support I got from him blew me away. He said he was proud of me when I decided to take that step. That was one thing I had always wanted to hear from him, but hadn’t heard very often.”
Jeff was lucky that his family was so supportive so soon. For others, it takes a lot more time to earn family members’ trust.
“Some people go five years before being back in relationships with their loved ones,” said Wendy, a recovering alcoholic who also struggled with meth addiction for sixteen years. “I’ve heard mothers talk about how their sons wouldn’t speak to them for two years, but they continued to call them once a week and send them birthday cards every year, and years later, they have a relationship again. That’s what I thought about when I mailed my sister a letter to make amends.”
Thanks to the advice of her peers, she knows she must stay patient while working to reestablish some of her most valuable relationships, even though it can be a heartbreaking experience.
“My sister will not forgive me for what I did, and I have a friend who won’t even talk to me right now. People not wanting to make amends is pretty much my biggest hurdle to get over, but I have to accept it for what it is. And I do accept it. I realize now what I did to them.”
Wendy said people like her sister aren’t convinced that her current sobriety is “the real deal”.
“They’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop,” she told me. “ I think I could be sober for 50 years, and some people still wouldn’t trust me.”
But Wendy is hanging in there. She understands that these things don’t always happen overnight. Even though she has is having a hard time with her sister now, things could be different one day. She is at least able to have a “great relationship” with her parents.
If you are working on your own recovery, take heart knowing that some of your bonds may take longer to rebuild — but as Jeff and Wendy have shown, with some time, patience and understanding, forgiveness truly is possible.
About Cecelia Johnson: She believes strongly in the power of good deeds and recognizing great work. That’s why she created RecognitionWorks.org. Her site is dedicated to connecting those who’ve been awarded for exemplary work in their communities to companies and organizations that can help them continue their admirable efforts through donations, sponsorships, and gifts. By making these connections, she hopes to build stronger, more altruistic communities and citizens.
It may seem like the biggest uphill battle you’ve ever faced, but forgiveness is possible. Every person is different, as is every relationship. Some people will find this comes easier than others, but just know that many other people who have been where you are have gotten back in the good graces of the people they care about.
Jeff, a graduate from the Treehouse, an Addiction Campuses facility in Texas, told me about his decision to go to rehab, “It took some time. I knew I would have to tell everyone that was close to me what was going on. At that point, none of my family knew. It took me two months to finally muster up the courage to say, ‘Alright, let’s do it.’
“I didn’t tell my parents until the day before I left [rehab]. I was so full of shame and guilt. I thought they would hate me and disown me, that I was going to let everyone down. I started by telling my sister because we’re very close. She said, ‘I’m here for you and I want to see you get better.’ Then I went to my brother, who is 13 years older than I am. The way I looked at it, he was perfection. I looked up to him then, and I look up to him now. I called him and told him, and his response still chokes me up. He said, ‘I care about you and I want you to get better. If you need anything, I’m here for you. I will always be here for you.’
“My mom kind of knew what was going on. My dad was the hard one. He’s a hardass, and we never really saw eye to eye. But the amount of support I got from him blew me away. He said he was proud of me when I decided to take that step. That was one thing I had always wanted to hear from him, but hadn’t heard very often.”
Jeff was lucky that his family was so supportive so soon. For others, it takes a lot more time to earn family members’ trust.
“Some people go five years before being back in relationships with their loved ones,” said Wendy, a recovering alcoholic who also struggled with meth addiction for sixteen years. “I’ve heard mothers talk about how their sons wouldn’t speak to them for two years, but they continued to call them once a week and send them birthday cards every year, and years later, they have a relationship again. That’s what I thought about when I mailed my sister a letter to make amends.”
Thanks to the advice of her peers, she knows she must stay patient while working to reestablish some of her most valuable relationships, even though it can be a heartbreaking experience.
“My sister will not forgive me for what I did, and I have a friend who won’t even talk to me right now. People not wanting to make amends is pretty much my biggest hurdle to get over, but I have to accept it for what it is. And I do accept it. I realize now what I did to them.”
Wendy said people like her sister aren’t convinced that her current sobriety is “the real deal”.
“They’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop,” she told me. “ I think I could be sober for 50 years, and some people still wouldn’t trust me.”
But Wendy is hanging in there. She understands that these things don’t always happen overnight. Even though she has is having a hard time with her sister now, things could be different one day. She is at least able to have a “great relationship” with her parents.
If you are working on your own recovery, take heart knowing that some of your bonds may take longer to rebuild — but as Jeff and Wendy have shown, with some time, patience and understanding, forgiveness truly is possible.
About Cecelia Johnson: She believes strongly in the power of good deeds and recognizing great work. That’s why she created RecognitionWorks.org. Her site is dedicated to connecting those who’ve been awarded for exemplary work in their communities to companies and organizations that can help them continue their admirable efforts through donations, sponsorships, and gifts. By making these connections, she hopes to build stronger, more altruistic communities and citizens.
